In the world of computer games, you shouldn't look for logic very often. Unless you're high as a kite and have Chinese Wok pans for legs. Still, let's ask ourselves a few questions about logic in Minecraft. When you first turn on the game, you're on your own. You don't meet anyone like you throughout the entire game. But that's pretty depressing to live with the thought that you will forever remain a Minecraft virgin. Unless you'd trade some of that pleasure for a few emeralds from the villagers. Or make friends with a pet. Or maybe you'd get into it with a Creeper. But he might explode prematurely! You know how men are.
I've also often wondered, where does your character actually go to the bathroom? And when, exactly. But then one day I noticed that when you're digging coal, the coal looks a bit like shit. But I really don't know if he would exercise the urge while digging coal. Do you know what it would smell like in those caves? Same with animals. I once watched pigs for 37 minutes and nothing came out. They can't last that long! Same with cows and sheep, so where did the animal shit go in Minecraft?
When you kill a cow or pig, you expect to have meat from it for at least a few weeks. But you'll only get one or two pieces of meat out of them. And where's the blood? Guts? And the bones? You just kill the animal and when it dies, all that's left is a porkchop? Are you guys really that stoned in Mojang? I'd also like to know how the breeding process works in Minecraft. Do you really just pick some grain and feed two individuals, and within seconds there's an offspring? Seriously? You've got to be kidding me! I'm afraid to eat with someone else for fear of having a baby with them sooner or later. Maybe Jeff's family is breeding on the same principle. After every meal, there's a new Jeff. New Jeff Junior.
Then there's the gender of the characters in the game. Your character is alone. But pigs or cows aren't, and they reproduce. And they all look the same! Are they boys or girls? None of them have extra drawn pixels, so how is that? My brain really isn't buying it. And as an American junkie would say, "How that be happenin'?" What about the villagers? They don't reproduce with weed. The most they'll do is smoke it and see me actually going to work for once. For them, a simple door is enough to breed; yes, you heard that right. If you have a few extra doors in your house, the next day you'll have another little village boy in the family. That kind of explains why Jeff asked me the other day if I had an extra door. And when I told him I didn't, the next day my house was missing every door.
It's also true that your character doesn't follow the law very well. You build your house wherever you want, and don't care that you don't even have a building permit, and that you're disturbing the natural environment! Shame on you! The extreme cases are tree houses, in the air or underwater. And nature doesn't have much logic in Minecraft either. You plant a tree in the evening and the next day it's 38 metres tall. And it's the same with all the other crops in the game. I have to wait several years for my prickly pear cactus to grow, and in the game it only takes 9 minutes, and that's it! That would make one shit themselves.
How come your character can only sleep at night? Why can't he take an 82-minute nap during the day? What's stopping him? And why can't he sleep when the monsters are around? I don't get that either. Even though Jeff celebrates the birth of his child every week, and celebrates loudly outside with a stolen guitar, he still falls asleep with his friends when the monsters are around. And now the enchantments. Am I supposed to believe that if I stick a shovel in a book, it'll dig faster or maybe last longer? Is that for real, or is Mojang making fun of me again? I've tried sticking things in some book myself, but there's never been any functional improvement.
What about the melons? I plant them, grow them, then harvest them, put the chopped parts in the chest, and after a few days the melons should just start to rot. But in Minecraft, the rotting seems to have stopped, or doesn't exist at all! No food spoils here, but why, where are we? The overall passage of time in Minecraft is very strange. It's only about 10 minutes from sunrise to sunset. Shit, I can't say 37 fucking minutes here. Either way, that's really short! Imagine only having 10 minutes to do everything you normally do during the day! I don't even have time to clean my feet and shoes of moss in 10 minutes, do you?
And of course - I can't forget the dragon in the End. I think we normal people have known for a long time that dragons, intelligent kids nowadays and clever, non-Cancel Culture Gen-Z people just don't exist! I hope I haven't offended dragon and dragoness fans now, I apologise. I'm sorry. Another one that lacks basic logic is the before-mentioned End. Who built the towers you have to destroy? The Endermen, you think? Are you serious? You think they worked, with their hands, they? Like really, or did someone give Mojang more weed to smoke?
However, there is one thing I finally figured out in Minecraft that is completely logical, and that is how the Pigmen came to be. According to my theory, it's the players who played before you, and simply tried the breeding cycle with pigs; and from that, these Pigmen were born. I think you'll eventually succumb to it, too, and start liking a pig.
In conclusion, it is perhaps worth saying that you don't often look for logic in real life either. All you have to do is turn on the TV or read the newspaper at night, and you'll ask yourself the same stupid questions I did in this game. You probably can't eliminate these illogicalities in a game, but you can in the real world; you just have to want to change more. The world of Minecraft is very strange. So write some more illogical things in this cube game under this post, so I can enjoy myself a bit too and not have to keep being the one doing all the work :)
